There are still very few laws against thinking, although I am sure they're working hard on that in Washington.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that they come to with their problems.

The key to a happy life is to have accomplishments to be proud of and purpose to look forward to, and at the moment I had both. How wonderful it was to be me.

When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultivate any it's always easier to simply go along.

Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake.

It really is better to be lucky than to be good.

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches

I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?

I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long.

Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?

Low calories and deliciousness can’t work together

Good and evil both increase at compound interest.

When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.

The sky is that beautiful old parchment in which the sun and the moon keep their diary.

A great deal of our ratings on the morning news are people who died during the night with their TV on.

There's a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.

Peace is not a product of an intellectual exercise. It is an inner blossoming that occurs with meditation.

I'm very interested in structure, how multiple stories are assembled in different ways; that is what memory does as well.

In our society, everyone wants to be a celebrity overnight.

The magic never worked! The only thing we’re left with is regret.