The world needs less destruction.

My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.

We're all real people with moments of intense honesty and pathos and humanity. We all experience that, whether you're comedic or not.

You say you're going to be the pope, become the pope.

Don't say you're going to stop eating red meat when you like red meat.

If you surround me with darkness, suddenly, I am "somewhat fun."

Everybody needs some good sketch comedy.

We don't feel constrained by what we did in the past.

The laugh is what trumps everything.

You shouldn't eat red meat, but you shouldn't make resolutions you can't keep.

What need does the earth have of us?

Many are concerned with going to heaven or hell, But fail to realize that you can be living in heaven or hell right here on Earth.

I have known the spirit of my soul through the trials and temptations.

It’s the country that would have him, since he lacked the necessary papers for more promising places.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.

You dont need a love scene to show love.

I can make the best French toast.

Our words must count. Hunger will not wait for promises we made.

To maintain an army at a distance causes the people to be impoverished.