The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

When the heart is down and the soul is heavy, the eyes can only speak the language of tears

I am the sworn, eternal and uncompromising enemy of the liquor traffic.

Catch on fire and people will come for miles to see you burn.

Love and happiness is a great match.

The reason I know you don't love me, is because the day I walked out your door, you didn't stop me.

Every thought we think and every word we speak is an affirmation of what we believe about life and it's the same with magnetism.

It is cool to have a label head that is also a songwriter, in a band, and produces records.

And why should it not be terrifying? A little terror, in my view, is good for the soul, when it is terror in the face of a noble object.

In the lottery of life there are more prizes drawn than blanks, and to one misfortune there are fifty advantages. Despondency is the most unprofitable feeling a man can indulge in.

Stamps God's own name upon a lie just made, To turn a penny in the way of trade.