The quality of a man's mind can generally be judged by the size of his wastepaper basket.

A belief which leaves no place for doubt is not a belief; it is a superstition.

To be ready to fail is to be prepared for success.

Pride in a man is confused with dignity; in a woman, with self-love.

Sensuality without love is a sin; love without sensuality is worse than a sin.

Effort and result are never simultaneous. In art, only the result counts.

Tradition simply means that we need to end what began well and continue what is worth continuing

It may be impossible to have a revolution without crimes but that does not make revolution a crime.

To light one candle to God and another to the Devil is the principle of wisdom.

The thirst for adventure is the vent which Destiny offers; a war, a crusade, a gold mine, a new country, speak to the imagination and offer.

Who learns most from a good book is the author.

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

Success in life isn't only for the gifted or the privileged or those with a high IQ. Success is totally dependent on three things: persistence, determination and a positive mental attitude.

I can fish from a stick and a string.

Maybe getting around in life was nothing but map-reading. A skill that required practice. A key to unlock where you wanted to go. A legend to show where you were.

All I ever wanted was a world without maps.

For me, it seems to help me take the pressure off if I don't pay attention to what other people are telling me.

Wicked words are the prelude to wicked deeds.

What is amusing now had to be taken in desperate earnest once.

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.