The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.

When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing.

Famous people are above the law.

Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. Make the most of it. It's all we've got.

It's better to create something that others criticise than to create nothing and criticise others. Go create, have fun!!

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer

If I were a blind man and were told by you that you possess a faculty called sight, I should be unreasonable if I railed at you as a conceited enthusiast.

Guilt, fear, sin, doubt. Guilt, fear, sin, doubt. Guilt, fear, sin, doubt. That’s what religion is all about.

During the 24/7 grind of being a carer, it's all to easy to forget the fact that the person you're doing so much for is, and is obliged to be, more resourceful than you in many respects.

It happens to everyone and it happens fast.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

You cannot hide your true self forever.

The higher our position the more modestly we should behave.

Tranquility is the old man's milk.

Just like any songwriter, I love it when people sing my songs.

To me, the trick is not how can I make people laugh. It is, how can I make people laugh in a different way.