The belief that tomorrow is a different place from today is certainly a unique hallmark of our species.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

I was satisfied that I had done my best. She was insane.

I have competed before empty stadiums a lot in my career.

Art is a subset of creativity.

A man's renown is like the hue of grass, Which comes and goes.

He who is too much afraid of being duped has lost the power of being magnanimous.

I cannot teach -- if I teach as teaching should be I become so exhausted I nearly die, I seem to have no middle gear.

Thank God I didn't put my career over family. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I'm really happy it went the way it did.

My fondness for extended monologue might have been encouraged by two decades of writing stage and radio dramas.

You got to get away from words if you want to understand any animal. It thinks in pictures, it thinks in smells, it thinks in touch sensations - little sound bites like, it's a very detailed memory.

Don't write about what you know - write about what you're interested in. Don't write about yourself - you aren't as interesting as you think.