The Internet contains everything in the whole wide world ever. I don’t know about you, but I find everything in the whole wide world ever to be a bit distracting.

Fictional comedy tells us that the writer is remarkable. Factual comedy tells us that the world is remarkable. I suppose I prefer to live in a remarkable world.

The fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain

I'd hate to compare anyone with Sugar Ray Robinson, but Donald is the closest thing to Robinson I've ever seen

I want to live a passionate life. I always want to feel the wind in my hair.

The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover.

When a man begins to reason he ceases to feel.

Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not.

There is nothing more opposed to equality than identity.

Well, well, my dear fellow, be it so. We have shared this same room for some years, and it would be amusing if we ended by sharing the same cell. (...)

To be a great leader of people - inspire them to follow you, not your rules.

Is there an observation which is not the instrument of thought?

As you become older, you become less judgmental and take offense less. But marriage is hard work; the illusion that you get married and live happily ever after is absolute rubbish.

I used to comb my hair back and do stupid stuff

Do you know what it's like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?