Somebody give me a banana. I'm playing like a monkey, so I might as well eat like one.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

They claim red meat is bad for you. But I never saw a sick-looking tiger.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.

I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.

Remember you have to be comfortable. Golf is not a life or death situation. It's just a game and should be treated as such. Stay loose.

I never prayed that I would make a putt. I prayed that I would react well if I missed.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.

I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.

If you want to be somebody else, change your mind.

He was a glass half full kind of person and she was...what? The glass is going to break before you can even pour kind of person. Yikes.

I have always loved you, princess" Robin Goodfellow promised, his green eyes shining in the darkness. "I always will. And I'll take whatever you can give me.

Always prepare yourself for a financial emergency, even when you don't see a possibility of a rainy day in your future.

My feelings are Yevgeny Kafelnikov should take his prize money when he is done here and go and buy some perspective.

Tom DeLay ought to go back to Houston where he can serve his jail sentence.

James Dean's death had a profound effect on me. The instant I heard about it, I vomited. I don't know why.

Human beings are free except when humanity needs them.

I always say that in investing you want to buy stock in a company that has a business that's so good that an idiot can run it, because sooner or later one will. We have a country like that.