Question: What is the white stuff in bird poop? Answer: That is bird poop, too.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

History, too, has a penchant for giving birth to itself over and over again, and those whom it appoints agents of change and progress do not always accept their destinies willingly.

Definitions from Mulla Do-PiazaPatience: A support for the disappointed.

Standing at the end of a diving board looking at the water never made the water warmer, but it will make taking the plunge unnecessarily hard.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

Do not ever disturb prelude music for others, for reverence is essential to revelation

If you are only skeptical, then no new ideas make it through to you.

Whatever a poet writes with enthusiasm and a divine inspiration is very fine. Earliest reference to the madness or divine inspiration of poets.

Providing great customer service is the most natural activity in the world. It’s fun to help others because it feels good.

All pleasure in the world is a passing dream.

I think that the insane desire one has sometimes to bang and kick grumblers and peevish persons is a Divine instinct.