Oh, hell, I can’t go on a spiritual journey—I'm constipated.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

Even freed men will do what they must in Rome.

I'm actually not a big fan of the word hope. I think it's a depressing word. I don't want to hope - I want to know. Like I don't hope there's a God, I know there's a God.

I think I always knew that I would do something with art because it was the one thing that I knew I was really good at.

If I couldn't read, I couldn't live.

When the audience enjoys your performance, you feel like a magician who is doing magic. It's a great feeling!

I am not a lover of Israel, of course. I have no reason to be. But I don't hate Jews.

A woman can't be alone. She needs a man. A man and a woman support and strengthen each other. She just can't do it by herself.

When you're a child you never figure a grownup is going to be jealous of you. It's the grownups who seem to have everything. Children give adults far too much credit.

We spend too much time as people thinking about what we don't have instead of actually making a change, and we just need to make that change now because we're being giving the opportunity.

Well, rhythm is 90 percent of the interpretation.