Of all unfortunate men one of the unhappiest is a middling author endowed with too lively a sensibility for criticism.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.

Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.

Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.

One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.

Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time.

Never complain and never explain.

Finality is not the language of politics.

The spirit of divinity lives in you.

The essential war within, and the cause of suffering, begins with the presumption that yearning, impulse and curiosity, desire and question, exist so as to end them. To attain, to acquire, to answer.

Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know.

Although men are accused of not knowing their own weakness, yet perhaps few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not of.

The country's present supply of foreign news depends largely on how best a number of dry goods merchants in New York think they can sell underwear.

We must stop concentrating on our differences and focus on what we have in common. Then we can realize our full potential and achieve the greatest good in the world.

Nowhere in the world can you find a wider variety of empty calories than at any American convenience store.

We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge.

And some day well remember so much that well build the biggest goddam steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in and cover it up.

Follow up the interview with a phone call. If Carrot Top can figure out how to use a phone, so can you.