My standup persona is like I'll heighten things, but I'm observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.

God cannot hear the prayers on our lips often because the desires of our heart after the world cry out to Him much more strongly and loudly than the our desires for Him.

I loved working on 'Donnie Darko.' I learned a lot from the cast, Jake Gyllenhaal and the producers. I love doing what I do because I get to meet so many great people.

There is only one thing worse than boredom, and that is the fear of boredom.

There is nothing that will kill a man so soon as having nobody to find fault with but himself.

The footprint of the savage traced in the sand is sufficient to attest the presence of man to the atheist who will not recognize God, whose hand is impressed upon the entire universe.

Learning is not the accumulation of knowledge. Learning is movement from moment to moment.

If you're waiting for the perfect moment, you'll never write a thing because it will never arrive. I have no routine. I have no foolproof anything. There's nothing foolproof.

I love indie record stores, man. I love anything that's about independence and preserving the brand of good music.

A family portrait is only complete with love to fill it's frame.