My Dear Reader Chum, a very hearty hello to you. What an honour and privilege it is to have you perusing my written word.

Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.

We are all unique, which makes us beautiful; so never despair, and just chill the hell out about it all.

Look in the mirror and say, 'There is none other like you and for that reason alone you are beautiful.

I think it's sad when people stop dreaming, or start losing hope. Because holding onto the bonkers dream might just turn out to be the most marvellous thing you ever did.

Live in hope. Because things do happen. Things do change. Worry really is futile. Don't fear the future. Dreams do come true.

There are some wonderful aspects to Christmas. It's magical. And each year, from at least November, well, September, well, if I'm honest, May, I look forward to it hugely.

I have written the only diet book that I believe needs to exist, and here it is: CHAPTER ONE: Eat a bit less. CHAPTER TWO: Move about a bit more. THE END.

Also, in your 20s, if you are beautiful, everything comes to you, so you never need to develop a personality. I never had that problem.

We all have our worries about our bodies and our looks. We just need to make the best of our lovely, wonky selves. The key is never to compare and try to be something you're not.

I have a fantastic method for anti-ageing. It's eating. Plumps out your skin beautifully.

I'm full of self-doubt. I doubt everything I do. Everything I do is a failure.

The EPA is now the Employment Prevention Agency.

Failure plus failure plus failure equals success. You only fail when you quit.

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

I'm Reconstructionist; I don't serve the Sabbath, but I go to synagogue.

It is the ordinariness of us that is the same in all of us.

I don't own everything, I do have a partner.

You know you're a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake. You know you smoke way too much f--king weed!

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

The culture used to move relatively slowly, so you could take aim. Now it moves so fast, and is so fluffy and meaningless, you feel like an idiot even complaining about it.