My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

In the true married relationship, the independence of husband and wife will be equal, their dependence mutual, and their obligations reciprocal.

I couldn't stand the thought of not succeeding failure was more than I could deal with.

For a few months when I was about 17, I smoked a small cigar because I thought it looked cool and it would get me the girls. It didn't.

Dating co-stars is natural. When you're working with someone, it's habit.

I'm not leaving you if you don't leave me.

Being out in nature inspires me as a writer.

I do my best not to have any expectations when I go into a movie because its not fair.

I feel very angry when I think of brilliant, or even interesting, women whose minds are wasted on a home. Better have an affair. It isn't permanent and you keep your job.

Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.

It is the medium, or the specific configuration of the medium, that we call a work of art that brings feeling into being.