Money gives me pleasure all the time.

Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, There’s always laughter and good red wine. At least I’ve always found it so. Benedicamus Domino!

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

When one remembers how the Catholic Church has been governed, and by whom, one realizes that it must have been divinely inspired to have survived at all.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

The Llama is a woolly sort of fleecy hairy goat, with an indolent expression and an undulating throat; like an unsuccessful literary man.

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

I shoot the Hippopotamus with bullets made of platinum, because if I use the leaden one his hide is sure to flatten em.

The Church is a perpetually defeated thing that always outlives her conquerers.

These are the advantages of travel, that one meets so many men whom one would otherwise never meet, and that one feeds as it were upon the complexity of mankind

I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

The wise shall learn.

Throw away the servility of imitation, and rise to the manliness of originality.

I wouldn't call myself a standup in the presence of Jerry Seinfeld or Chris Rock, but I do my share of it and it has been and remains part of my activity and I like it.

The story of Willie Stark fascinated me because it was tackling the story of a man who outwardly has all the success one could possibly want and who is destroyed by his personal demons.

I hated you when it would have taken less courage to love.

I have noticed if I pull from fear or despair about the state of the world, I get tired, ineffective, afraid and sometimes mean-spirited.

Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: "Former president George Bush".

A parent knows better than any book or "expert" what their kid really needs.

My mind is constantly in five different places, but golf is great because it forces you to focus completely and purely on what you're doing.

I like my audience. I always feel when up on stage performing that I could enjoy having a cup of coffee with any one of them.