It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

It’s not the situation -the action that does matter, situations produce excuses, where the actions -the results.

It is a very remarkable and significant fact that though no man is quite well or healthy yet every one believes practically that health is the rule & disease the exception.

I would die of lonely.

A nonhot boy stares at you and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy...well.

Peace be within thy walls and prosperity within they palaces.

We all need to make time for a burger once in a while.

Love without reverence and enthusiasm is only friendship.

Teachers teach and do the world good, Kings just rule and most are never understood

The Way begets one; one begets two; two begets three; three begets the myriad creatures.

The inspiration of the Bible depends upon the ignorance of the gentleman who reads it.