It's very good to know when you're being lapped on the racetrack, 'cause you've got to put your foot down on the pedal and get going.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

If you want a new look, get a new hair style.

Intellect is the ability to avoid belaboring the obvious.

There is no truth sure enough to justify persecution.

If decisions were a choice between alternatives, decisions would come easy. Decision is the selection and formulation of alternatives.

I have never farted in front of a guy I fancied before - I was so embarrassed!.

When we go to God by prayer, the devil knows we go to fetch strength against him, and therefore he opposes us all he can.

It's not resources but resourcefulness that ultimately makes the difference.

It would be more interesting to learn from children, than try to teach them how to behave, how to live and how to function.

A perception of impossibility should never go unchallenged.

Every thing that grows / Holds in perfection but a little moment.