It's pleasant to hear these nice words while I'm still alive. I'd rather have the taffy than the epitaphy.

The enjoyment of life would be instantly gone if you removed the possibility of doing something.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.

It is a pity that instead of the Pilgrim Fathers landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock had not landed on the Pilgrim Fathers.

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

If you will refrain from telling any lies about the Republican Party, I'lll promise not to tell the truth about the Democrats.

As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.

The walk downstairs to the breakfast table is excercise enough for any gentleman.

The government of the United States is and always has been a lawyer's government.

There have been many Presidents of the United States and the roll will be indefinitely extended. We have had a number of brilliant soldiers, but only one great general.

"What is the most beautiful word in the language?" The elderly lawyer quickly replied: "Home."

Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!

You know a lot about math, " I said. You know a lot about math? What type of statement was that? Right along the lines of "Hey, you have hair and it's red and curly." Real smooth.

When Nelson Mandela walked free, the world sang with joy. Ever since, South Africa has stood as a beacon of hope for Africa.

I absolutely think that it's possible for us to find common ground.

Compared to the spoken word, a picture is a pitiful thing, indeed.

Violet has the shortest wavelength of the spectrum. Behind it, the invisible ultraviolet. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Poor violet, violated for a rhyme.

I just don't plan things. I live a month at a time.

Don't cheapen Jesus's sacrifice by trying to pay him back

It's become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken.

Helicopters don't fly, they vibrate so badly the ground rejects them.