It's a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.

The most identifiable trait of Anglo-Saxons is that we always mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed.

Walter Mondale once said God has no place in American politics and it turned out that God felt the same way about Walter Mondale.

No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they're full of testosterone when they're surrounded by Frenchmen.

He called for military supremacy, no welfare and cultural rebirth. It was a nice speech, but it sounded a lot better in its original German.

George W. Bush is so pro-Mexico that if you hit him with a stick prizes would fall out of him.

Jesse Ventura took American politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling.

They’ve taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.

If it turns out that Barry Bonds used steroids to bulk up and add muscle mass, he could get four to eight years as governor of California

New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani fired his wife, Donna Hanover, as official hostess of the mayor's mansion last weekend. He's got his own idea of what a hostess should be. He wants a little cupcake.

A wiz does not only rely on his or her peers for assistance., however he or she will unleash his or her exceptional accomplishments by working wisely and independently.

The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.

Nothing can work me damage except myself. The harm that I sustain I carry about with me, and never am a real sufferer but by my own fault.

Does anyone know where the Best Men are? I hope they're not in the parking lot stealing our hubcaps.

So long as large armies go to battle, so long will the air arm remain their spearhead.

The walls of isolation are not as solid as your suffering makes them seem.

Romance is when after two people have gone through thick and thin together, and have confirmed to become a love that will never change no matter what happens.

We should try to be the parents of our future rather than the offspring of our past.

Today, over one million people now make their living on eBay, which is astounding.

I sold my soul to the devil. Lucifer will have my soul.