Isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?

I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.

Keep the circus going inside you, keep it going, don't take anything too seriously, it'll all work out in the end.

Watching too much TV can triple our hunger for more possessions, while reducing our personal contentment by about 5 percent for every hour a day we watch.

A philosopher once noted that people long for immortality but run out of things to do on a rainy afternoon.

Dreams don't have an expiration date.

Champagne offers a minimum of alcohol and a maximum of companionship.

Stardom is like making love in a hammock - a happy experience but one of uncertain duration.

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

But Champagne is not drinking.

Hatred can become like food, it gives you this energy that you can, like, live off.

We have always been a nation different from the Chinese. Long ago we fought wars with them.

To have a successful team, you have to have great players of course - but you have to have good personalities and good people as well.

It is a necessary precondition for the success of a referendum that there should be broad community consensus and bipartisan support for it.

Remember that if you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.

The influence of the Crown has increased, is increasing, and ought to be diminished.

I've been an actor for 30 years, so I pretty much know how to do the basics of a fight without hurting anybody.

People like to see honest persons. So I certainly will advise many young people who want to participate in politics, honesty is the best policy.

What does a Californian make for dinner? Reservations.

The universe corresponds to the nature of your song.