Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

It is better to act right than seek right.

Every morning there are flowers of potentials. Your thoughts and interactions give them shape and reality.

The HARDEST PART about BREAKING UP is the next day, opening your notebook only you see I LOVE YOU scribbled all over.

Meat isn't murder, it's delicious.

I've loved every minute of every hour I've spent doing theatre.

When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.

I want America to know that you can't believe everything you hear, and nowadays, you can't believe everything you see.

There can be no happiness without good health

Everybody that's an actor leaves it for a while 'cause they ain't got a job.

It is the still, small voice that the soul heeds, not the deafening blasts of doom.