Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

I've been called a racist before, and let me tell you something - that is harsh. That's a really ugly thing to call someone. That's like being called a Mexican.

My sister might be dumb, but that doesn't make her all that different from the rest of us. She's just like any other American. Except she's Canadian. And retarded.

Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we didn't have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.

I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad's atheist, my mom's agnostic. Just constant fighting. There's no God! There might be!

If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.

I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should cut my bangs.

Jesus prayed for us, We too, need to pray for others.

Why do people who already have so much get bitter about those who have a little more?

There are soccer athletes that are known the world over except in the U.S. Thierry Henry, for example.

Here is the truth: The Earth is round; Saddam Hussein did not attack us on 9/11; Elvis is dead; Obama was born in the United States; and the climate crisis is real.

An extraordinary writer....It is the vastness of Nick Tosches’ heart that makes it possible to reveal the darkness.

If you can't return a favor, pass it on.

I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.

Too many people spouting too many words, and in the end those words will turn to bullets and stones.

Please. She sighed. 'Can't a girl have high standards? I don't want an ordinary boy.

Anorexia is such a self-consuming, selfish disease. It's all about you. Becoming a mother, all of a sudden it wasn't about me anymore.