If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

What is the basic difference between saying 'I know that God exists' and saying 'I know that love exists'?

At some point people either had to throw off the wounds of their childhood or go through life permanently crippled

Begin somewhere you cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do.

If a bacterium is trying to infect you, it won't secrete alone, because your immune system will block it. Bacteria will hide until they can all act together and make an impact.

My hope is that if I take good care of my skin and use Botox, I won't have to use anything else.

I've opened the way for others to make fortunes, but a fortune for myself was not what I was after.

The third year of MASH was when I realized I was a hit.

It seems we are capable of immense love and loyalty, and as capable of deceit and atrocity. It's probably this shocking ambivalence that makes us unique.

But I just went to work and imagined that I had on the most beautiful pale blue silk dress - because when you are imagining you might as well imagine something worth while.

When men come to like a sea-life, they are not fit to live on land.