If I have one wish for my birthday, it is that 35 is the end of desperation and the beginning of acceptance. Part of that is believing that if I'm meant to give birth, I will.

I want to go to Australia and take the same goofy picture of me holding a koala that everyone else takes.

Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.

Im sick of the foodies who need every morsel that goes into their mouth to be a Picasso painting, a Giacometti sculpture, a Proust novel, evoking the world with each crumb.

Basically, I was always very interested in comedy, but I was much more sort of academic. And then, after college, loaded with my art history degree, I decided to go work at Comedy Central as a temp.

Women have problem areas in a way that men don't. We have big hips and muffin tops. Men just have the thing where they create wars and wreak havoc all over the globe.

The real metric of success isn't the size of your bank account. It's the number of lives in whom you might be able to make a positive difference.

You sign an agreement; you make a contract, you live up to it. You never get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate. You got a right to say yay or nay.

Worth, courage, honor, these indeed Your sustenance and birthright are.

Property in land is as indefensible as property in man.

Where do most go to complain about a company/brand? TWITTER. Conversations are happening whether you are there or not.

We're intellectual opposites. Well, I'm intellectual and you're opposite.

All the dry ethics of the world turn to dust because apart from God they are lifeless.

I always related my favorite music to the movies.

I've always argued, unsuccessfully, that there's no point in giving money to the arts unless you educate people in them.

Remember that the stock market is manic-depressive.