I was kind of relieved with the way the book [The Proud Highway] came out. It's beyond an autobiography or a biography. I never knew what was going to come up next.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

We were like two atoms in one molecule, hydrogen and oxygen. Both explosive alone, but the source of everything when we came together.

The newspapers! Sir they are the most villainous - licentious - abominable - infernal - not that I ever read them - no - I make it a rule never to look into a newspaper.

The only thing I do on a computer is play Texas Hold 'Em, really. Obviously my cell phone is a computer. My car is a computer. I'm on computers every day without actively seeking them out.

I am chairman of the Pakistan People's Party.

Life in LA is not lying in the sun for months. It is having a 4pm meeting and leaving at noon to sit in traffic for four hours. Its not glam.

Rudy [Giuliani] can talk about whatever he wants to talk about. He's my friend, I like him a lot and respect him, but I don't talk about the advice I give to Donald Trump.

Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?

Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.

With dogs and people, it's love in big splashy colours. When you're involved with a cat, you're dealing in pastels.

Standards of conduct appropriate to civil society or the workings of a democracy cannot be purely and simply applied to the Church.