I've been on every diet in the world. The best one is the BBC diet: Buy Bigger Clothes.

Then, when I got in the military, I used to host - even in high school - I hosted the talent shows, and when I was in the military I would host all of our base Christmas parties and stuff.

Teach yourself. Help yourself. Improve yourself. Enrich yourself.

You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?

Secrets and lies… Everyone in the world deals with these every day of their lives. To protect themselves. To protect someone else. It is all in the way that you look at the situation.

I find out of long experience that I admire all nations and hate all governments

Once started, love couldn't easily be stopped.

Create history and write your own.

If I don't make the team out of spring training, I'll keep a good attitude. I'll just go polish up the parts of my game that made me not stay in the big leagues.

Working with the dying is like being a midwife for this great rite of passage of death. Just as a midwife helps a being take their first breath, you help a being take their last breath.

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

I think people don't understand that comedy is an outlet for me. Comedy allows me to get outside of myself, and exercise this thing that is still kind of scary to me.