I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.

My favorite musical? I don't. It changes all the time. I'm just a diehard, I'm totally old school, like I'll sit and watch, if they are re-doing Oklahoma in New York, I will be the first one there.

Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in womb?

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

I can feel myself dying inside.

In terms of the creative side of it, it's really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved,it would be much simpler, but much less magical

I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that there's always somebody there, somebody that's family.

Hollywood views regular people as children, and they think they're the smart ones who need to tell the idiots out there how to be.

I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off.

What we're always looking for is weird social issues and weird connections to make. Luckily for them, there's no shortage of material.

Give a moment or two to the angry young man with his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand.

The audience will always forgive you for being wrong and exciting, but never for being right and dull.

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

He's been dead for so many years, but I'm still trying to impress him. That's what gave me my drive. 'Look at me, Dad, I've succeeded.'

The office of president requires the constitution of an athlete, the patience of a mother, the endurance of an early Christian.

Nothing is achieved without toil.

Some people have a terrible stretch between family and work. It is a difficult thing to achieve.

When we seek to complete rather than compete, it's so much easier to cheer each other on.

I didn't study music. I literally lived it.

This is nothing new. It has proved meritorious because we have gathered significant information on bad guys and only on bad guys over the years.