I'm not good at math. Numbers are a terrifying thing to me. My father is a whiz with money and the stock market, and he tries to explain it to me, and I find it terrifying.

Many comedians - both male and female - do have an "I will never date another comedian" rule.

The best advice I've gotten in terms of that was someone who said, "People will surprise you if you let them."

I think you can make good things happen if you look for them. Life is a very positive thing.

I'm just trying to do my part before I get hit by a bus.

Outside of performing, (a comedian) is someone who is analyzing life, thinking about it and trying to be observing so much. In my opinion, it can make you feel on the outside looking in.

The whole romanticized sad clown thing, we have to get rid of that. That has to go. That's just getting sick people to voluntarily stay sicker and sadder than they have to be.

If people tell me something is impossible, I just want to prove that. I want to know that that's for certain. I don't want to not do something because someone says I can't.

Mania is fun. I won't lie, it's fun. But it's usually followed by a soul-crushing depression.

I just like testing myself. I just have that thing in me. Whatever it is that people tell me I can't do, I've gotta try it.

Suicide - when I think of it, to me it means someone had a lot of problems and they couldn't fight through them anymore. That's not cowardly. It's sad and nothing but.

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel guiding the way.

He owes me nothing, yet gives me everything in return. —SHEA

Sanders is to blame for my loss, along with Obama and Biden. They never really supported me because I'm a woman. They're all deplorables, just like every registered Republican in America.

Human relationships are not rocket science--the are far, far more complicated

Plan and execute your first failure so that you no longer have to fear it.

That's what the court needs-a happy king, a king who can't stop dreaming of being lost in someone who wants to be just as lost. Tell me you'll let me get lost in you.

Realize, how many classics I gave you/Perhaps if you think back you'll realize that I made you

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.

My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.

Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders—in that order.