I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even been born yet.

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.

I just got a new iPod. It's got 80 gigabytes. Because I like to jog for three weeks at a time and I do not want to hear the same song twice.

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist. And what's worse, she can prove it.

A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being. And it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.

I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going to sleep. Maybe you've heard of it.

I hate all generalisations.

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

Italy has been made

My two daughters live on Facebook, and social media is their mode of communication.

I rant, therefore I am.

Nothing quite delivers the full experience of being out there like floating around soaking up the warmth of the early morning rays with a brush in hand.

The very greatest is the alphabet, for in it lies the deepest wisdom; yet only he can fathom it, who truly knows how to put it together.

Misers get up early in the morning; and burglars, I am informed, get up the night before.

The power of the corporate bureaucracy - the power of technostructure (a term that did not take off) - is something to which I still adhere.

I can always tell if someone's from Harvard because they trot out their vitae. I would die at Harvard.

I like protective men, the type who'll put an arm around me so I can be smothered.

Those who regarded the revolution, during Imam Khomeini's time, as a deviation, are now [wielding] the tools of terror and oppression