I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

Avoiding things that you deem unattainable on first sight will limit you.

A good husband should always bore his wife.

We can take whatever path in worship we choose, but not all paths will end at the feet of Jesus.

Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers.

Only sound common sense, respectable fellow that he is, in the homely realm of his own four walls, has very wonderful adventures directly he ventures out into the wide world of research.

I've never been a shirt-off, pants-off kind of comedy guy.

The secret to comedy is not playing the comedy, but actually playing the situation, playing the drama of it.

The deeply learned ones know the mind as the directly expressed meaning of the supreme knowledge. The heart is the meaning aimed at. The Supreme is none other than the heart.

If arrogance were shoes, he'd never go barefoot.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.