I'm a great admirer of cartoons, because I can't do cartoons.

You can parody almost anything.

No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.

Not even Barbra Streisand celebrates herself as tirelessly as golf celebrates itself.

It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.

If the general attitude of Canadians toward their mighty neighbor to the south could be distilled into a single phrase, that phrase would probably be "Oh, shut up."

Though never as complex as we fear, life is also never as simple as we might wish.

Happiness lies in the consciousness we have of it.

As a teacher, as a propagandist, Mr. Shaw is no good at all, even in his own generation. But as a personality, he is immortal.

In our family, as far as we are concerned, we were born and what happened before that is myth.

Russian vodka is OK if you need to clean the oven. For drinking, it must henceforth be Polish.

It made him feel invisible—not that he wanted to feel anything else.

I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!!!

It is absolutely necessary, both for our advancement and the salvation of others, to follow always and in all things the beautiful light of faith

If there is one thing Britain should learn from the last 50 years, it is this: Europe can only get more important for us.

I think my favorite fact about myself is that I have never been dismayed by a critic's bilge or bile, and have never once in my life asked or thanked a reviewer for a review.