I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they're wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit!

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.

As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'.

I don't believe in email. I'm an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.

Follow your instincts and do not let other people's opinion of you become your opinion of yourself.

It's like the riddle of the Sphinx... why are there so many great unmarried women, and no great unmarried men?

Balls are to men what purses are to women.

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.

People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.

I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies. Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together - like chocolate and peanut butter.

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.

A simple smile. That's the start of opening your heart and being compassionate to others.

In order to lead people, you have to get to know them.

Don't die like I did.

It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, but $120 for an earthquake emergency kit just seems unreasonable.

It is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist.

Conventional economic theory... counts the depletion of resources as the accumulation of wealth.

The fastest way to become rich is to socialize with the poor; the fastest way to become poor is to socialize with the rich.

The way a crow Shook down on me The dust of snow From a hemlock tree Has given my heart A change of mood And saved some part Of a day I had rued.

If there is such a thing as a lock on an Oscar nomination, ... Hoffman has one.