I love my mom! You can too for $12!

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

A fundamentalist is someone who wants to substitute what he believes for what you believe, " Max said. "And someone who thinks he knows the will of God better than anyone else.

You can either hold onto your dream by letting go of your excuses or hold onto your excuses by letting go of your dream.

I will always continue to love the way how the fire inside you burnt everyone around it, But took me in its arms and kept me warm.

Men's men: be they gentle or simple they're much of a muchness.

The human mind is impelled to action, or held in rest by some power, over which the mind itself has no control.

Tragedy is the violation of love.

I can't understand nothingness. I can't understand it and I can't imagine it.

The sound of her laughter was sticky as sap, the smell of night-blooming jasmine soft as a milk bath.

The individual or the group which organizes any society, however social its intentions or pretensions, arrogates an inordinate portion of social privilege to itself.

Of the seven experiments, the ones that have been most investigated so far have been the pets. The dogs who know when their masters for coming home, and the sense of being stared at.