I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

When the rock is hard we get harder than the rock. When the job is tough we get tougher than the job.

Everything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem.

All theory is against freedom of the will all experience for it.

When we deliberate it is about means and not ends.

We must quit bending the Word to suit our situation. It is we who must be bent to that Word, our necks that must bow under the yoke.

When one reaches this state of harmony between things and one's self, one reaches a state of perfect freedom and peace-which makes everything possible and right. Life becomes perpetual revelation.

The able bodied poor don't want or need charity.... All they need is financial capital.

Woe to the man who tries to stretch the imagination of man He shall be mocked he shall be scourged by the blinkered guardians of morality.

The dim roar of London was like the bourdon note of a distant organ

I hate my jaw. I don't know if it's my dad's - I think I'm more like my mother, my littlest sister looks exactly like my dad and my middle sister is a mixture of the two.