I love Billy Joel. I cry sometimes when I hear 'The Stranger.' 'You May Be Right' may be one of the greatest songs ever written.

You ever spent eight hours acting in water? It's a lot easier to get in and out of a bath. Hot tubs are bad news for actors, man.

At around 19 I realized that I really didn't have any skills other than making people laugh, so I should probably pursue it full-time.

There's a common misconception with sketch comedy that you just go up there and wing it, but it's written, and there really is order.

For me, why would a Jew want to go anywhere in history ever? I'm only going to have to run.

I am what they call a chubby-skinny guy. I appear to be normal and have the look of an in-shape man, but if we were to go to a pool party I would go with my shirt on.

I think journalism can come from anywhere, and comedy can certainly come from anywhere.

Well, you can't improvise story, which is a fact. If you could, the budget would be insane.

The only place I want to travel to is the United States Of America from 2008 to 2016. Anywhere else is a horribly dangerous time for women and minorities.

I love Obama. He's my favorite president of all time. I have a giant picture in my apartment in New York that is of his Chicago Tribune cover, Mr. President.

America is never great. America is great in what it can be, which is the American dream.

Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth 'thrown in': aim at Earth and you will get neither.

Eternity is a lie and Chiron was the messenger.

I am lonesome so regular it's like a job I gotta report to every day.

I wanted very much to be Miles Davis when I was a boy, but without the practice. It just looked like an endless road.

Some say that the universe is made so that when we are about to understand it it changes into something even more incomprehensible. And then there are those who say that this has already happened.

Basketball is what I do, it’s not who I am.

Our notion of what makes a paradise always returns to the image of a beautiful and fruitful garden.

The great are only great because we are on our knees. Let us rise!

Why is it that a woman can see from a distance what a man cannot see close?