I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

New cells are born everyday and old cells die, but they have neither funerals nor birthdays.

Most people don't know that heartache smells like blueberries.

Music as a social conduit has always been important to me.

Misreading is a big part of reading, the way in which the level of attention you're paying can lead to some interesting residue.

Bistro cooking is good, traditional food, earnestly made and honestly displayed. It is earthy, provincial, or bourgeois; as befits that kind of food, it is served in ample portions.

Nobody wants to hear celebrity complain

Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness.

I gave the album [You're Under Arrest] to Quincy Jones and he loved "D Train". We couldn't call it "D Train"; it's called "MDI/Something's On Your Mind/MD2". That's on the album.

I have preserved my identity, put its credibility to the test and defended my dignity. What good this will bring the world I don't know. But for me it is good.