I have always been told that I was a funny, entertaining person and have always been told to give comedy a try.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

A society with lynch culture needs a big zoo, not for the animals definitely, but for the very people themselves!

What would yo do for a piece of forever? What would you do to love more, feel more, and live more?

There is only one you on the globe today. You have been built to inspire and designed to dazzle. Live your uniqueness!

There is great worth in holding universal truths and timelessly beautiful words in your heart, which will stay there forever, infusing your thoughts and speech.

I never wear the same shoe twice.

The usefulness of a meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.

I don't have to do things just to please people. It's okay to do what I love because what I love, my fans love. And they're really the only ones that should matter.

The me that's me right now is yours. Always.

Some idiotic things are well worth doing.

Learn from cinema. Be economic with descriptions. Sort out the telling detail from the lifeless one. Write dialogue that people would actually speak.