I had enough brain to live a stupid life.

A real man is one who remembers the lady's birthday, but never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers her birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, - is her husband.

Women are, of course, more intelligent. Have you ever heard of a woman that would lose her head only because a man has pretty legs?

When you get married, you'll understand what happiness is. But then it will be too late.

Old age is the time when birthday candles cost more than the birthday cake itself, and half of your urine is wasted on medical testing.

Success is the only unforgivable sin against your neighbor.

Family can replace everything. So, before starting a family, one should think what's more important: family or everything.

Old age is when you are not bothered with bad dreams, but with bad reality.

God created women beautiful - so that men can love them - and stupid - so that they can love men.

A fairytale is when you marry a frog and it turns out to be a princess. Reality is vice versa.

It has always been incomprehensible for me: people are ashamed of the poverty but aren't ashamed of the wealth.

Let the deal be spoken first and then manipulate it to your advantage.

You rich people are all the same. You couldn't care less about the other half of the world. They can all starve to death for all you care!

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched-they must be felt with the heart.

My bottom is so big it's got its own gravitational field.

I felt like people only knew me as a singer who dated pretty girls.

My parents were both from the East and had moved to San Francisco only so my father could go to law school there.

One difference between savagery and civilization is a little courtesy. There's no telling what a lot of courtesy would do.

People don't know about football. They think they know about it but they don't know much.

What is to be done about these literary people, who will never understand that painting is a craft and that the material side comes first? The ideas come afterwards, when the picture is finished.

How terrible it was to love people when you could not really share their lives!