Old age is the time when birthday candles cost more than the birthday cake itself, and half of your urine is wasted on medical testing.

A real man is one who remembers the lady's birthday, but never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers her birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, - is her husband.

Women are, of course, more intelligent. Have you ever heard of a woman that would lose her head only because a man has pretty legs?

When you get married, you'll understand what happiness is. But then it will be too late.

Success is the only unforgivable sin against your neighbor.

Family can replace everything. So, before starting a family, one should think what's more important: family or everything.

Old age is when you are not bothered with bad dreams, but with bad reality.

God created women beautiful - so that men can love them - and stupid - so that they can love men.

A fairytale is when you marry a frog and it turns out to be a princess. Reality is vice versa.

It has always been incomprehensible for me: people are ashamed of the poverty but aren't ashamed of the wealth.

If a patient wants to live, doctors are impotent.

No woman should build her life waiting for a man to come along and save her. It's a tragic waste of brains and talent.

Reality is how you look at it

Life is a series of events and sensations. Everything else is interpretation. Much is lost in transition - and added in assumption / projection

I thought no one was talking to me and the others thought I wasn't talking to them.

Seeing's believing but feeling's the truth.

Yes I am a Jew and when the ancestors of the right honourable gentlemen were brutal savages in an unknown land mine were priests in the Temple of Solomon.

Dances are generally more fun to think about and get ready for than they actually are when you get there.

I feel like in the '90s, horror just lost its way and everything became so safe and watered-down.

Originality is deliberate and forced, and partakes of the nature of a protest.

An enemy to whom you show kindness becomes your friend.