I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me.

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

It tastes like water spiked with strange.

The human digestive tract is like the Amtrak line from Seattle to Los Angeles: transit time is about thirty hours, and the scenery on the last leg is pretty monotonous.

Constipation ran Presley's life. Even his famous motto TCB— 'Taking Care of Business'— sounds like a reference to bathroom matters.

It's called the FATLOSE trail. FATLOSE stands for 'Fecal Administration To LOSE weight, ' an example of PLEASE— Pretty Lame Excuse for an Acronym, Scientists and Experimenters.

People are messy, unpredictable things.

Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero (one hopes).

Who knows when a trenchant line becomes a human face?

Brown bird welcomes white wave. Wander no more, dear traveler.

I feel like when I went back to my original hair color, a little bit of an edgier side came out.

I had done the sitcom thing to lesser and lesser degrees of success.

I hate to do anything that is going to stop or suppress free speech.

Ambition is not in itself an evil; nor is he to be condemned whose spirit prompts him to seek fame by worthy and honourable ways.

I'm just ultracompetitive. I will be till they put me in the grave.

Khomeini has offered us the opportunity to regain our frail religion ... faith in the power of words.

Let's save tomorrow's troubles for tomorrow.

During the Great Depression African Americans understood that Republicans championed citizenship and voting rights, but they became impatient for economic emancipation.