He slept more than any other president, whether by day or by night. Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.

It’s a red sky every night with Cosmic Ordering.

My heroes are the camera crew and the electricians. They work such long hours.

Fact is based upon vulgar matter.

There are more battles won through prayer than by any other means.

Classical slap-stick rappers need Chapstick.

And I'm not a micromanagement guy. I prefer to spend my time doing other stuff than that.

If something seems frightening or horrible, I should probably do it.

Having a good network can be invaluable. It opens doors for you and allows you to enter into opportunities that are beneficial to your business.

Yesterday was glory and joy. Today, a blackened burn everywhere. On the record of my life, these two days will be put down as one