Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?

For some must watch while some must sleep thus runs the world away.

Hold everything earthly with a loose hand, but grasp eternal things with a death-like grip

I've got more class than most.

I am a Mormon because I love the Lord Jesus Christ. And as I exercise faith in Him, I am blessed with the Holy Spirit in my life.

Within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live.

The Way of Tao is this: It strives not, but conquers; It speaks not, but all is made clear; It summons not, but its house is crowded; It contrives not, but the design is perfect.

Younger people have greatest fears. Why is that? Because they don't know the plot. They don't know their own individual plot... they don't know what's going to happen to them.

Along with John Hughes, he's probably the biggest influence. Would be awesome not only to meet him; he's one person I'd also definitely like to work with.

Europe will get a stable and prosperous Turkey.

Every big leaguer and his wife should teach their children to pray, God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Babe Ruth.