Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now." Valerie - To the Nines

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Watch the fools! Watch them carefully! Learn their paths so that you can learn how to avoid them!

Mountaineers are one of the few groups to celebrate before the finish line. More mountaineers die on the descent than on the ascent.

Fear is excitement without breath.

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.

I do know that for all the artists it's very important to speak in a vernacular that can be understood by everyone.

An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.

A neighborhood is where, when you go out of it, you get beat up.

When you understand how to love one thing, then you also understand how to love everything.

Nine tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.

The ability to take pleasure in one's life is a skill and is a kind of intelligence.