Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.

Believe in the power of your own voice. The more noise you make, the more accountability you demand from your leaders, the more our world will change for the better.

Life in LA is not lying in the sun for months. It is having a 4pm meeting and leaving at noon to sit in traffic for four hours. Its not glam.

Ready to give up so I seek the old Earth.

Basically, you can't make a pop culture reference now without someone saying it's Tarantino-esque or post-Tarantino and I'm like where's that all come from? It's ridiculous. But it's not his fault.

But most important of all, the truth, that dangerous stuff, became beautiful and more precious.

Conduct is more convincing than language.

False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.

Sacrifices have to be made if you want to make a dent in the world, and that's what I started out to do - to make a dent in pop culture.

I'm kind of spoiled, but the great thing about life is that you never know what's around the corner.