Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

I think that tennis is a lady's sport, so we should look out there like ladies.

I believe in Governor Romney. I believe in him as a leader.

Our only purpose in life is growth.

Why do British people make such good TV? It's so annoying. Stop it. Is it because they have free health care? Uggh.

What man condemns in others, he attracts to himself.

Never eat less than four hours before boxing. Then eat only lightly.

There's so many different ways to write a rhyme its stupid man. I don't understand why the majority of the rap game sounds the same.

I know peace exists. And we are always changing. It's scary.

What I tell ya? Don't blink! It's just gonna be over quick.