Even if I take him out for three hours every day, and go and chat to him for another hour, that leaves twenty hours for him all alone with nothing to do. Oh, why can't dogs read?

Isn't it lovely to be lovely me!

He was dressed just like on TV, with lots of silver chains and bracelets, ripped jeans, and a black muscle shirt (Which was kind of stupid, since he didn't have any muscles).

Even though I do a more traditional type of being funny on television, I still know a lot of comedians and stand-ups and improv actors.

If someone said, I want to translate your novel into Igbo, I would say, Go ahead. But when I write in the Igbo language, I write my own dialect. I write some poetry in that dialect.

"Lawyers Are": By law's dark by-ways he has stored his mind with wicked knowledge on how to cheat mankind.

I did Shakespeare in college and the nerves I got doing Shakespeare are the same nerves I get doing 'Mad Men.'

I want to get married before I'm 30. And I'd like to win an Oscar before then.

The job of the novel is to be true to the confusion, but not so confusing that you turn the reader off.

The purpose of a good education is to show you that there are three sides to a two-sided story.

I did a 'Love Boat!' And based on my trip on the 'Love Boat,' I said, 'I'd just as soon not do 'Fantasy Island.''

They're asking women to do impossible things. I don't believe women can carry a pack, live in a foxhole, or go a week without a bath.