Easy things should be easy, and hard things should be possible.

Younger hackers are hard to classify. They're probably just as diverse as the old hackers are. We're all over the map.

At many levels, Perl is a 'diagonal' language.

Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

For me, writing is a love-hate relationship.

Portability should be the default.

I think software patents are a bad idea. Many patents are given for trivial inventions.

Symmetry is overrated. Overrated is symmetry.

The Harvard Law states: Under controlled conditions of light, temperature, humidity, and nutrition, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Over the long term, symbiosis is more useful than parasitism. More fun, too. Ask any mitochondria.

Hubris itself will not let you be an artist.

The difference between self love and being in love with yourself is that one results in giving and the other in taking.

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil.

As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.

It's not that I don't love the song. My songs are like my children: some you want around and some you want to send off to college as soon as possible.

I hear so many of the young people today sing and I think they have a good voice, yet I wonder if they'll ever know that they sound alike.

Anyone who rides a bike is a friend of mine.

Your personal choices matter. And you have the power. Use it.

I didn't audition for 'SNL.' I sent in a tape to 'SNL' the year before I started writing there, but I got the job there through doing stand-up on Fallon.

At about 10 o'clock in the morning the sun threw a bright dust-laden bar through one of the side windows and in and out of the beam flies shot like rushing stars.

I'm a good friend, but I'm a hell of an enemy. As your enemy, I want your demise. When I feel that in my heart it burns till I die.