Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

How can a deer tell when a leaf falls silent in the forest? She hears it breathing differently.

Sadness, forever unacknowledged, eventually becomes resentment.

I'll be the invisible girl, Everyone passing through me, No one touching.

Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job.

When you travel so many weeks a year, it's always nice to have a home-cooked meal.

Relationships are the key element to Press & PR

When you have a character to work with, you carry them around in a strange way - they make you look at the world in a different way.

I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my life.

I rarely play a real person, because I don't think I'm a good imitator.

Being a model to the world, eternal virtue will never falter in you, and you return to the boundless.