An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Some scars don't hurt. Some scars are numb. Some scars rid you of the capacity to feel anything ever again.

By looking at the details of the DNA, it is possible to chart the flow of your ancestry from your ultimate grandmother to more modern times.

Everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

We have to remember Damien Duff is one of the most good players in the Premiership

In the crazy world of touring, if something gets stuck at customs, I can do a show with just my amp!

I think with chess as with everything, marketing is the main issue.

I think the first time I realised Downton Abbey was a hit was when I was sitting in a tea shop in New York and the couple next to me were talking about Downton Abbey, and then they recognised me.

Silence! I am learning to know the silence of a Tahitian night.

Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.

Things have a way of turning out so badly.