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Travel Quotes: "When we can't get away for a vacation we get the same feeling by staying home and tipping every person that smiles."

When we can't get away for a vacation we get the same feeling by staying home and tipping every person that smiles.



Travel Quotes: "The trouble with all these other countries is they're all being run by foreigners."

The trouble with all these other countries is they're all being run by foreigners.




Travel Quotes: "My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park."

My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.



Travel Quotes: "This summer one-third of the nation will be ill-housed ill-nourished and ill-clad. Only they call it a vacation."

This summer one-third of the nation will be ill-housed ill-nourished and ill-clad. Only they call it a vacation.




Travel Quotes: "My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it."

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it.



Travel Quotes: "On cable TV they have a weather channel - twenty-four hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window."

On cable TV they have a weather channel - twenty-four hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.



Travel Quotes: "There's a lot of nice things about Denver. I just don't for the life of me know what they are."

There's a lot of nice things about Denver. I just don't for the life of me know what they are.




Travel Quotes: "The people of Seattle deny they get much rain while the rest of the country thinks of it as America's bladder."

The people of Seattle deny they get much rain while the rest of the country thinks of it as America's bladder.



Travel Quotes: "The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust."

The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust.



Travel Quotes: "I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point."

I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point.



Travel Quotes: "Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars."

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.



Travel Quotes: "After years of mocking L.A. for its smog the people of Denver are now coughing out of the other side of their mouths."

After years of mocking L.A. for its smog the people of Denver are now coughing out of the other side of their mouths.




Travel Quotes: "There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."

There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.



Travel Quotes: "It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.



Travel Quotes: "It is possible to live in San Francisco for $35 000 a year. Obviously that doesn't include food or lodging."

It is possible to live in San Francisco for $35 000 a year. Obviously that doesn't include food or lodging.



Travel Quotes: "L.A. bumper sticker: Keep honking - I'm reloading."

L.A. bumper sticker: Keep honking - I'm reloading.



Travel Quotes: "Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger."

Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.



Travel Quotes: "I lived in Miami for a while in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead."

I lived in Miami for a while in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead.



Travel Quotes: "I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days like in West Side Story the gangs used to dance with each other."

I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days like in West Side Story the gangs used to dance with each other.



Travel Quotes: "A car is useless in New York essential everywhere else. The same with good manners."

A car is useless in New York essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.



Travel Quotes: "New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!"

New Yorkers are so impersonal if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!



Travel Quotes: "Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You're tired you've had a headache since you arrived but you can't leave because then you'd miss the party."

Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You're tired you've had a headache since you arrived but you can't leave because then you'd miss the party.



Travel Quotes: "Living in California adds ten years to a man's life. And those extra ten years I'd like to spend in New York."

Living in California adds ten years to a man's life. And those extra ten years I'd like to spend in New York.



Travel Quotes: "I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there."

I have just returned from Boston it is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.



Travel Quotes: "A small town is usually divided by a railroad a main street two churches and a lot of opinions."

A small town is usually divided by a railroad a main street two churches and a lot of opinions.



Travel Quotes: "texan starting eternity: I never dreamed heaven would be so much like Texas. companion: Who said this was heaven?"

texan starting eternity: I never dreamed heaven would be so much like Texas. companion: Who said this was heaven?



Travel Quotes: "Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school."

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.



Travel Quotes: "France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper."

France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.



Travel Quotes: "How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?"

How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?



Travel Quotes: "My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada."

My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.



Travel Quotes: "Take a perfect day add six hours of rain and fog and you have instant London."

Take a perfect day add six hours of rain and fog and you have instant London.



Travel Quotes: "Always remember that you are an Englishman and therefore have drawn first prize in the lottery of life."

Always remember that you are an Englishman and therefore have drawn first prize in the lottery of life.



Travel Quotes: "I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what the letters in Delta stand for. He said "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive.""

I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what the letters in Delta stand for. He said "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."



Travel Quotes: "When people ask me if I have any spare change I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet."

When people ask me if I have any spare change I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.



Travel Quotes: "When I first came to this country I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket."

When I first came to this country I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket.



Travel Quotes: "Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks to television you can shop in bed."

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks to television you can shop in bed.



Travel Quotes: "I love the polite drivers in La Jolla. At an intersection . . . most expensive car goes first."

I love the polite drivers in La Jolla. At an intersection . . . most expensive car goes first.



Travel Quotes: "I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead."

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.



Travel Quotes: "Chicago was started by a bunch of New Yorkers who said "Gee I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty but it just isn't cold enough.""

Chicago was started by a bunch of New Yorkers who said "Gee I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty but it just isn't cold enough."



Travel Quotes: "All travelling becomes dull in exact proportion to its rapidity."

All travelling becomes dull in exact proportion to its rapidity.



Travel Quotes: "A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.



Travel Quotes: "Lovers of air travel find it exhilarating to hang poised between the illusion of immortality and the fact of death."

Lovers of air travel find it exhilarating to hang poised between the illusion of immortality and the fact of death.



Travel Quotes: "One sees great things from the valley only small things from the peak."

One sees great things from the valley only small things from the peak.



Travel Quotes: "The crow when travelling abroad came back just as black."

The crow when travelling abroad came back just as black.



Travel Quotes: "There is a ghost That eats handkerchiefs It keeps you company On all your travels."

There is a ghost That eats handkerchiefs It keeps you company On all your travels.



Travel Quotes: "I like terra firma - the more firma the less terra."

I like terra firma - the more firma the less terra.



Travel Quotes: "A bred-in-the-bone Boston lady when asked why she never travelled said 'Why should I? I'm already there.'"

A bred-in-the-bone Boston lady when asked why she never travelled said 'Why should I? I'm already there.'



Travel Quotes: "The early North American Indian made a great mistake by not having an immigration bureau."

The early North American Indian made a great mistake by not having an immigration bureau.



Travel Quotes: "Every perfect traveller always creates the country where he travels."

Every perfect traveller always creates the country where he travels.